As I started really getting into this business, I am finding that I am not alone in getting married without a parent(s) or a grandparent(s). This makes this topic even more important than just writing it for myself - like I usually do. Today I will begin by dropping straight into this icky-thing.
Y'all. This is not easy, and getting married without your whole family there is freaking sad. You will miss them deeper as you plan your big day, and you will find yourself in grief all over again no matter how much time has gone by since losing them. Here are some things that I have found helpful through my own process:
1. Despite our culture that "everything is sunshine and butterflies" when you get engaged, it is really OKAY to be sad, mad, relieved, upset, depressed, or ___________. Totally okay. Other people may not understand, so try to be gentle with yourself.
2. Be gentle with yourself. Allow yourself to feel those feelings - or you will bottle it up until the big day to explode. Don't do that. Give yourself the time.
3. Set Boundaries! If you need a month to not plan a fucking thing - don't plan a fucking thing. It is hard to set boundaries like this with excited FMIL* texting and emailing you about the rehearsal dinner, but if you get set off by it and you want to scream? Probably not your FMIL's fault. Communicate clearly when you need a break!
4. If I get angry, I throw eggs into the sink. I buy a cheap set of eggs at the grocery store, and I throw them into the sink. I can break something AND it is an easy clean up.
5. Breathe. I give myself an extra half an hour in the morning to journal, breathe, drink my coffee, and sometimes meditate. I allow myself a quiet time to myself to let my crazy hit my journal and work through some issues.
6. Work with your partner on traditions that you are feeling icky about - particularly ones that involve your parent that won't be present. Everyone is different, so your adjustments and edits will be very different from mine.
Do you have any tips or advice that have helped you? I'd really love to hear them.
Need help planning around traditions? I'd be glad to sit and chat through it all with you. It's hard, but hopefully I will have a blog post soon about navigating traditions and filtering out the gross advice online.
*FMIL - Future Mother In Law